By The Daily Impunity Staff • Published: January 04, 2026

Stethoscopes vs. Seraphim: Why Nairobi’s Doctors are Trading Lab Coats for Linen Robes 🩺✨

In a move that has Kenya’s medical board frantically Googling “how to discipline doctors who think pathology is optional,” a group of Nairobi physicians has decided that modern medicine is just… well, too modern. Why bother with boring old science when you can just shout away HIV in Nakuru?

From ICU to I-SEE-YOU (Heaven Edition)
These doctors, who presumably once took the Hippocratic Oath and then apparently misplaced it, recently graced the stage at Prophet David Owuor’s New Year’s extravaganza. Gone were discussions of insulin or antibiotics—instead, they were busy confirming that deafness can be cured by a well-timed “Hallelujah!” and that cancer apparently flees at the sound of a really aggressive sermon.

The KMPDC, upon hearing this, reportedly choked on its own stethoscope. “We thought ‘miracle cure’ was just a metaphor,” one official whispered, staring sadly at his now-useless medical degree.

Evidence-Based Medicine? More Like Echo-Based Medicine
It seems these rogue healers have developed a fascinating new medical model:

1. Diagnosis: Skip the X-ray. Just ask: “How strong is your Wi-Fi signal with God?”
2. Treatment: Replace chemotherapy with choir practice. Side effects may include sudden urges to shout “Amen!” and inexplicable lightness in the wallet.
3. Discharge Papers: Instead of a doctor’s note, patients now receive a signed poster of the prophet and a complimentary bottle of “holy water” (distilled in Kericho, probably).

Why the Government is Side-Eyeing Heaven
Health CS Aden Duale and the KMPDC are “concerned.” And by concerned, they mean: “If one more doctor tells a diabetic to just pray harder, we’re revoking licenses and prescribing them a mandatory internship at a real hospital—with real germs.”

The Council has launched an investigation, which in medical-regulator-speak means: “We’re going to ask very serious questions while wondering how these people ever passed anatomy.”

The Real Miracle Here?
The real miracle isn’t that deaf people can now hear—it’s that these doctors still have medical licenses. Perhaps they’re relying on divine intervention to keep them accredited. Or maybe the KMPDC is just waiting for them to try and heal a broken leg with a hymn before stepping in.

Takeaway:
If your doctor starts your appointment by anointing your forehead with oil instead of checking your temperature, it might be time to find a new GP. Preferably one who believes in germs more than ghosts.

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