Next to you she wakes up. You kiss the back of her neck and you tell her “baby, stay in bed. I’ll go get the kids ready for the day.” The day goes by she tells you “babe, you look like you had a long day. Go shower and I’ll put the kids to sleep.” You look at her and grab her and kiss a smile on her lips.

Next to you she wakes up. She has a fort of pillows between you and her. You wake up laying on your back wondering “how did I get myself in this mess. I deserve a woman that wants me to touch her. That’s my wife, is it wrong if I look for affection outside of this marriage?” You come back home on a Friday night. While most people are happy for the weekend you pull up to your drive way and spend three hours in you car not even going in to hug your kids because you don’t want her giving you those looks. The ones that burns with hatred, while you just want to call up a friend from high school to spend the night with.

Marriage is a legal contract that does not care whether the universe said you two were soul mate, it just tells you that you are life partners. Two people literally coming closer than ever before. And there’s no one that has ever been that close to you. You are placed in this invisible bubble with your spouse, and the countdown starts to see how long before you tap out and wanting to get out the bubble.

What most people don’t understand is happiness in a marriage is not just chemicals, but it’s a choice. A choice from both parties. That trust starts out by listening, communicating and learning to sacrifice and showing empathy towards each other. And it’s a choice. If both parties decides to do that there will not be constant problem in the marriage. But if the opposite action is taken place, the marriage is going to be a nightmare.

When you listen you start understanding the other person’s language. And when you communicate you give your partner the opportunity to learn your language. Learning to sacrifice can be as small as losing an hour of sleep to feed the baby while you tell her she can rest to something as big as waiting a year to get you dream car but decide to take her to the most beautiful spot in the world.

If you don’t listen to her you won’t realize that when she says “Oh God,” if she’s referring to oh God leave me alone right now, oh God I’m stressed I need a hug, or oh God I don’t know who to turn to. And if you don’t listen to your wife enough to differentiate these oh Gods, unneeded arguments will start happening. And you’ll go a month without hearing her say Oh God in the bedroom. Some say Women are indecisive and men at times can’t understand their language but, in reality that language can be learned. It’s just a matter of listening.

Now communication. Communicating at such an advance level is what makes people so successful in so many aspects of life. Women tend to be open to communications. And it is with the power of communications that most men are able to get to the heart of most women. But somewhere along the lines we forget about the power of communication. You can buy her flowers but if she does not hear those three words I Love you, you will not make her remember you for the rest of the day. And ladies when your hubby is communicating don’t make fun of him because it can be hard to express himself. If There’s no communication there will be no growth.

Learning to sacrifice and showing empathy is useful to everyone and especially married couples. So if your guy is telling you an embarrassing story of him, don’t rub it in and making him feel bad. And it’s okay to forgo 3 hours of sleep if you think staying up late to make your wife a birdhouse will make her smile.

Another dark side to marriage is neglecting the fact that you aren’t perfect and neither is your spouse. So knowing how to teach and guide your partner are doors for growth. If you don’t teach her how to cook that special pasta, you’ll start feeling the resentment when she tries to cook to make you happy but you can’t understand the thoughts behind it. And moms you are really good at taking care of your child, don’t make your husband feel bad for not knowing how to hold her. You suppose to guide him each step of the way.

Marriage is an invisible bubble that you signed to stay in, but if you two choose to realize that this game is best played by two, that little bubble becomes a two story house with a nice pool and sex multiple times in a week.

The dark secret of being married is that, life is a dark and scary place sometimes. You can either rely on each other as partners to brighten the path and get through to life’s darkness together or you can get overwhelmed by the dark secrets of life and lost sight and begin to realize that your spouse is the enemy and everything wrong with life. When in reality you should be overcoming life’s obstacles together.

So if you fail to listen, communicate, sacrifice and showing your spouse that you care you’ll wake up with pillows next to you.

These advices apply to men, women and people who are also in same sex relationships.