I raise goats. I have two does and a buck. The buck, he doesn’t leave the girls alone. He’s constantly tossing his head at them, pissing on his beard in front of them. Sticking his nose in places that would make you blush.

And that’s just the beginning. Currently, it’s rut. That means my girls come into heat every 21 days and my poor buck has, what I can only imagine to be, a horribly severe case of goat blue balls.

Although there’s a fence between them, right now, his behavior is at its worst. He makes all sorts of weird noises, gurgles and growls and groans that don’t even sound mammalian. And whenever he gets within a few feet of them, the tongue flapping starts. If you don’t know what goat tongue flapping is, Google it, I’ll wait.

So, do my girls like it when Mr. Tumnus, seen above, acts this way? Not unless it’s in the 24 hours surrounding their ovulation. They love it then. They rub on him. They coo. They act, well, like a bitch in heat.

But most of the time, they find it annoying, at best. If they happen to be together, without a fence separating them, he starts chasing tail and they get even more agitated trying to run away from his attention.

And, as a woman, I fully understand this. As do most other women.

Sometimes, like with Tumnus, men’s advances are comical. A drunk guy at the bar with a dumb come-on line. Teen boys. Adolescent boys for that matter. Sometimes, the brain shuts off and the hormones take over and men let women know that they’d like to do the dirty. In most of these cases, it’s harmless.

But other times, ugh! Other times, it’s obnoxious. And while I’ll say I’m cute, I’m not that cute. I’m not drool-over-yourself cute and I feel for the girls that are. Because they have to deal with it even more. With the obnoxious guys, the ones who think just because they hit on you, you’re going to fall over and thank them so much for coming on to you.

The guys who step over the line again and again. The guys who don’t want to take no for an answer. And when they do, it’s not because of them or their behavior. No, it’s all because you’re a bitch. A whore. A slut.

These are the guys that don’t even try to hide that they’re looking. They whistle. They call out. They’re crude. It’s not, “You look extra nice today, Molly. That t-shirt really brings out your eyes.”

No, it’s more like, “Yo, bitch. Looks like you painted those jeans on this morning. How ’bout you come sit on my face and I show you what a real man can do?” All while he broadens his chest and, just like Mr. Tumnus, tongue wags at you.

Those guys are the ones who make your skin crawl.

Now, does this shit happen every day? No. Not to me. Not even close. But I also live in small town America and don’t leave my house much anymore, so, ya know, that sort of impacts things.

But it does happen. I’ve had unknown hands on my ass as I walked through a bar. I’ve gotten cat calls. I’ve heard things from strangers about my boobs, my ass, my pussy.

I’ve been cornered by drunk men, their hands roaming, their lips searching for skin as alcohol-tinged breath made me want to gag. I’ve had strangers make me so uncomfortable, that I’ve asked men I know to stay and walk me to my car after I’ve closed the bar I was working at.

I’ve been hit on and pushed for nudies in my workplace from my male superiors. I’ve had men attempt to kiss me, with tongue, out of nowhere with no indication of interest on my end.

I’ve had to tell too many men, often times WAY more than once, that calling me baby, dear, honey, and sweetheart isn’t okay. This was especially true among men I worked with, not as peers, but as my clients. Maybe it was an attempt to “even the playing field” or maybe they thought I’d be an easy lay, but I had SOOOO many male clients, both teens and adults, that I had to constantly remind not to call me pet names.

Totally annoying.

I have men I don’t know, almost every day, send me inappropriate messages on Facebook and Instagram, and even on LinkedIn and here at Quora. Sometimes they involve dick pics, sometimes they don’t. (If you’ve sent me a message and it wasn’t inappropriate, that’s not the same thing and I’m not talking about those guys, you’re not part of this group, just so ya know).

And now the haters jump in and comment about how I talk about sex. How I write about being hypersexual. About how I post risqué pictures. How I seemingly “ask for it”. This never makes it okay.

But I digress. That’s an answer for a whole different question, so back to the topic at hand.

These men aren’t most men. And this behavior is not the norm. And, although, like many women, I’ve been through some different levels of sexual assault, I’m not a fan of #metoo, or #believewomen, for many reasons that aren’t meant for this answer either.

But I do want to say that much of this behavior is changing. I notice it way less than I used to. But maybe that’s because I’m now 37 and not 21. Although this older Molly is much more confident and comfortable in her skin than that younger girl, her breasts are nowhere near as perky.

So to bring this back around to the question at hand: As a woman is it understood that you’ll have to deal with inappropriate male advances and suggestive language? To a point, yes.

But that doesn’t make it okay. And, even with my goat reference, I’m not saying, it’s just how men are so we should accept it. What I am saying is that most men are decent. Even those ones who may be really bad at flirting. Nine times out of 10, they’re just trying to let you know that they think you’re pretty. Or cute. Or hot. Or fuckable.

These guys aren’t trying to be rude, and while some ladies won’t admit it, I have no shame in saying that in the majority of these cases, after someone makes a not-too rude comment about my body or after some stranger ignores the ring on my finger and asks to buy me a drink or get my number, I may walk a little straighter and hold my head a little higher. There may even be a slight flush across my cheeks.

Because most women like to be wanted. We like to feel pretty. And when men hit on us, it validates these desires in us.

And for those women who want to argue that point, I don’t want to hear it if you’ve ever: dyed your hair, worn makeup, plucked your eyebrows, had your nails done, bought pretty panties, had your teeth whitened, shaved your legs, etc, etc.

You get the picture.

We want to be wanted.

When it comes to what’s appropriate and what’s not, well, that’s an extremely blurry line. And it differs from woman to woman and man to man. My suggestion, if I don’t know you, avoid body words, sex words, and curse words. No boobs, tits, ass, pussy, cunt, dick, or cock. No sex, fucking, screwing, sucking, licking, or tasting. No bitch, fuck, or even the ever favorite daaayyymmmnnn!

While some men don’t get how to talk to and respect women, most do. And just because they approach women different than women approach women, doesn’t make it bad. Or, god-for-effing-bid, toxic.

Masculinity is NOT toxic. And it’s assumptions that can spawn from questions like this that make things more difficult for men in today’s world.

I don’t ever want to live in a world where a man can’t tell a woman she’s beautiful because of fear of persecution. This balance beam we walk on sits right above a very slippery slope.

And I hate slippery slopes.

Let me wrap this up by simply saying, I’m glad I’m not a dude. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this stress. Because if I overstep my bounds with a man, if I get caught checking out his ass or he overhears me comment about how attractive he is to a friend next to me, I’m not going to be labeled a pervert or a jackass or a perpetrator.

No one’s going to claim sexual harassment or write a complaint that I’m objectifying them. Even if I’m drunk at the bar and mumble something along the lines of, “I bet you’re hung like a horse”, to the guy who’s 6′5″ standing next to me.

I’m not saying it’s okay to do it, I’m just saying sometimes us ladies, and society as a whole, sets some pretty shitty double standards.

Shrugs.

~Claire